My Story
A year later, I went to the doctor, thinking I had mastitis. My doctor gave me two rounds of antibiotics, but the pain persisted. He suggested a biopsy to determine the type of infection I had. Two days later, the biopsy results were back. Stage 3C inflammatory breast cancer. I found out the day we were supposed to leave for Gatlinburg, TN for the weekend. We had to postpone leaving for a day to go to several doctor's appointments, but we eventually made it.
My kids and I found ourselves alone when my husband and their dad left. We moved in with my parents when my daughter was two and my son was ten days old. It was rough to find myself a single mom, but my family rallied around us, and my kids never lacked for attention from one family member or another if I was busy with their sibling.
I was sent for a PET scan to ensure the cancer hadn't spread further. Praise the Lord, it hadn't. The doctors suggested eight rounds of chemotherapy first, followed by a modified radical mastectomy, then radiation. The aggressiveness of the disease required an agressive treatment.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
A few days after the scan, I had a port, meant to make chemotherapy easier, inserted. A week after that, I started chemo. On the advice of one of the volunteers, I went to order my wig that first week, before my hair fell out. I loved my hair, and losing it was gut-wrenching. The wig was a God-send. My family knew it was only a wig, but most people had no idea. It gave me a little confidence back to still look like myself, even when I didn't feel like myself.
From the very beginning of this process, I knew I couldn't make it through without Jesus. He listened to my angry rants right alongside my desperate pleas for healing. I struggled at first to trust Him, especially when I thought about how young my kids were. I was terrified that I'd die and leave them alone. They weren't even old enough to remember their mommy. I gradually came to a place of trust, and the terror was replaced (most of the time, I'll be honest) by peace.
Between chemo sessions, the kids and I still had fun. We went to the zoo and children's museums on the weeks my white blood cell counts were higher. Both of them were obsessed with trying on my wig when we were at home, but they knew not to mess with it in public! The neighbor kid did not get that memo (you'll have to read my story to find out how that turned out). I was determined that we would have a normal, fun life despite the cancer.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
There was almost no time to adjust to the new normal surgery brought before it was time to start radiation. The process itself was quick, though it required a daily trip to the cancer center. The nurses there were just as patient and wonderful as the infusion nurses. They were extremely helpful in getting through the experience. About halfway through radiation, we took a few days' break and went back to Gatlinburg with my parents and siblings, minus hair, but also cancer free. Even though the journey wasn't over, it felt like a win.
My last chemo appointment was right after Christmas. The infusion room had a bell for patients to ring when they'd completed treatment, so I happily took my turn, relieved that the chemo portion of my treatment was over. Another PET scan, followed by an MRI, revealed no evidence of disease. However, my oncologist still wanted to move ahead with the mastectomy and radiation, just to be sure. While losing my hair was traumatic, this next step left its own scars, both literally and emotionally.
I finished radiation and by summer, had enough hair to ditch the wig, though I have always preferred long hair. Letting it grow was just one more step in the process, and at least that promised an expected result, given enough time. I got cute clips to put in it in the meantime. God is good. He saw us through all the rough spots in treatment and took away any trace of cancer. I pray that I can use the comfort He gave me to comfort others through my writing.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12
Fifteen years later, the kids are almost grown up, keeping me busy with sports every season and plenty of adventures. I'm still waiting on a few hopes, but I'm trusting God for His timing.
